She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize