I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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