How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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