my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
