one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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