You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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