I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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