Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
