I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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