you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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