I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize