my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
