DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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