I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
