Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
