Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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