White coat. Heels.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
