Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
