They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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