I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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