Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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