just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
