There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
