if you like me you must not know who I am
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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