so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
