i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
