and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
