Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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