that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
