The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
