I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
