anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize