my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize