I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.