you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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