Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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  (248): They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking. http://tfl.nu/97aw
  Replies (9) Good night (522) Bad night (2254)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  (908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution. http://tfl.nu/ms1p
  Replies (2) Good night (1757) Bad night (496)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  children are so perceptive these days... and horny

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  (862): 5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF (973): children are so perceptive these days... and horny http://tfl.nu/81nd
  Replies (32) Good night (2377) Bad night (714)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

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  (215): I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone http://tfl.nu/geen
  Replies (5) Good night (513) Bad night (2411)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.

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  (832): i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life. http://tfl.nu/zh94
  Replies (51) Good night (4797) Bad night (485)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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  (616): yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage. http://tfl.nu/rey5
  Replies (16) Good night (435) Bad night (2517)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen

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  (256): There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen http://tfl.nu/2fvb
  Replies (6) Good night (3589) Bad night (468)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

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  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6460) Bad night (950)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.

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  (203): Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina. http://tfl.nu/y3xd
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (823)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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  (613): Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar. http://tfl.nu/8auj
  Replies (12) Good night (2670) Bad night (838)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart

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  (605): its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart http://tfl.nu/w4xp
  Replies (7) Good night (1906) Bad night (651)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.

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  (847): He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris. http://tfl.nu/t2sy
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (862)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.

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  (850): She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off. http://tfl.nu/vexh
  Replies (10) Good night (1317) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"

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  (518): I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories" http://tfl.nu/in2x
  Replies (5) Good night (495) Bad night (256)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.

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  (770): He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't. http://tfl.nu/iy01
  Replies (5) Good night (195) Bad night (513)

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