Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
