That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.