I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke