the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
