I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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