She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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