Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize