Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
