im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
