You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
