girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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