he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
