Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He? As in you personified your dick?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
