they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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