Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
