you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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