I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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