I hate your face
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize