Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
