bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I am morally bankrupt
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize