I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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