Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
