i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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