Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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