she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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