Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
