6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
