I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
