Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
