i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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