Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
