My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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