How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
