His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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