I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
