Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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