Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
