you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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