Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize