who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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