I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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