If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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